Laugh : C. Jones, L. Klaiber and A. Pahl

G’day,

While engaged in an email chat, some very strange friends of mine sent me these jokes and in a fit of unabashed laughter and general “feel good” humour, I decided to respond. Though the exact description of my actions is a little stretched, the good feelings were a marvel as I was going through a very rough and depressing bout with PTSD.

I don’t mind if you don’t see the following words as very funny (or even a little bit funny); this page is solely for the purpose of reminding me not to take myself too seriously, and that laughter and friendship is not only the best medicine, but is more powerful than any horror experienced in war or imagination.

From Col Jones - a fellow Australian Vietnam Veteran, a thinker and a thinking man’s poet.

I was standing on the rail station platform one day - when the train rolled in the station mast called out “get aboard” - well it took me a while to find one but when I got back the train had gone.

And another one from Col:

Karen (Col’s wife) is still not home - enjoying herself up there in Brisbane too much I think. She said she had a brain scan and the results will be sent down to our doctor at Coffs Harbour - I said what the hell is the point in that - waste of a stamp sticking it on an empty envelope. She’s got a terrific sense of humour - but she hasn’t rung me for a while...

And one from Lou “Caliber” Klaiber, an American Army Vietnam Veteran, and a braver man than I - particularly in view of the fact that he has taken the Mickey out of several former members of the USMC (also Vietnam Veterans) who belong to the same club as us:

THE US MARINE CORPS BAR REFERENCE GUIDE

SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Beer unusually pale and tasteless Glass empty Get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face Retire to gent’s room, practice in mirror
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Feet cold and wet Glass being held at incorrect angle Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Feet warm and wet Improper bladder control Stand next to nearest dog, complain about its house training. Demand beer
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Floor blurred You are looking through bottom of empty glass Get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Floor moving You are being carried out Find out if you are being taken to another bar
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights You have fallen over backward Have yourself leashed to bar
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Mouth contains cigarette butts You have fallen forward See above
SYMPTOM: REASON: ACTION:	Room seems unusually dark Bar has closed Confirm home address with bartender

For the Boondocker’s Poetic Justice Marines………
Semper Fi Bros’

Caliber……… US Army

Well Col and Cal

Thanks to you pair of Army ground-pounders (albeit from different countries) I had to change my diaper, have a shower, pick myself up off the floor and write this:

LAUGH

I was laughing so much I fell onto the floor
Tried to get up but fell down once more
Held onto the TV and that went for six
So me misses comes over and gives me a kick.

I felt bloody stupid with what happened next
The dog started barking and was licking my neck
as the cat ran for cover and the bird shrieked out loud
I tripped on the footstool and attracted a crowd

They came from all over, strangers and all
To see what had happened to cause me to bawl
And stray dogs and stray cats all stated to wail
As I sat there in laugh tears on my well padded tail.

At last I settled with only some smirks
and told all the spectators I’d get back to work
But when I sat on my chair once again
Your word were right there; guess what happened then?

I started to laugh and I fell to the floor…

Page created: Thursday, 13 December 2001