We lay in bed that night
listening to Rod McKuen’s records
The Sand, The Sea, the Sky -
he finally fell asleep
and that’s when I began to cry -
All kinds of strange imaginings
passed before my eye
as I listened to the ticking
of the minutes on
the alarm clock going by -

After making love and talking,
he finally slept -
I knew the words he said
would be the ones I always kept
inside my head.
We had a son, a baby
9 months old -
and he slept, too, in his
little baby bed…
Innocent of War.
I knew
that when his father returned,
he wouldn’t remember him anymore…

I played “The Sea” on “low”.
over and over, and then
suddenly, it was morning,
once again -
No matter how I tried to stop it,
the sun rose anyway…
and now it was the “dreaded day”…
Up early, getting dressed
a smile upon my face -
so much to say to each other
and neither was able to speak -
I wanted to scream “Don’t go”
but that would never do -
He played with the baby,
Hide and Seek.

You’ll be hiding, all right, I thought,
too far away to be found -
I thought of all these things to say
and couldn’t utter a sound.

Off to the airport and checked the bags;
regular passengers unknowing
All by himself with a wife
and parents whose fears weren’t showing…
And then… he was gone.
And we went home…
I broke down in the kitchen
and I said to my mom:
“What if he doesn’t come home?”
It’ll be ok, she said -
you have us, and you have your son - -
it’ll be ok… she said again, and again.

It was noon, and he’d been gone
since ten…

©Christina Sharik
25th 2001